woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
