she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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