HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
