There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
