just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
