it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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