The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
