ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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