Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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