Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
