moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
