she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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