it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
