All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
