even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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