Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
