It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
