Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize