Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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