If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
