i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
