I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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