Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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