why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
