Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
