made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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