Can i not drive my cunt home
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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