I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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