I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
