the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
