tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
