as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
