4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
