considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
