So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
