My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
