ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
