Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
