Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
