My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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