i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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