I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
