I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This is my gift to your gina
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
