i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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