Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
