Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
