you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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