Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
