Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
