the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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