i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
