need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is classic penis vs brain.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
