i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
