She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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