ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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