The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
