Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
