If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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