Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
