I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
