so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
