I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
FUCK WHALES
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
