i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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