i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
