70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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