I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
