So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
