3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
