My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
