I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
