I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
