And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
