did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
