I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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