when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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