I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
