Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
