dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
