she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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