Where did you get a picture of my penis
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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