Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
