i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
