The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
