Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
