You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
