If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
