is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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