I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
