well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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