So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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