True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
