I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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