i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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