Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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