11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
