We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
