once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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