i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize